Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Of the many Michaels out there, I have selected the finest specimens - Michaels I myself would be proud to be - and present them here to you, one by one in order not to dissipate their glory.
Behold my splendour! Gape at my awesome muscles! Marvel at my two-tone dye job! Gasp as I crush a walnut with MY BARE HANDS! Tremble as you imagine toweling down my sweaty body! Admire what might be a beard or just some lint clinging to the underside of my lip! Marvel at my fake pearls, purchased at the WalMart conveniently located a five-minute pick-up-truck ride from my trailer park! Do not confuse my fearsome stare with Strabismus, which I was diagnosed with as a child but have managed to completely disguise by being COMPLETELY FUCKING HARD!
And, finally: send me some money, as my wrestling career hasn't taken off the way it should have, I'm three months behind on my alimony payments and my Doberman needs a new kidney!